Turistens klagan - eller var det här roligt?

Städade ur min låda i köpmansdisken imorse och hittade då något som jag haft i mina ägor och som flyttat med mig och överlevt varje rensning.

Dear Signore Direttore.

Now I am a-tella you story how I was a-treated at Your hotella.

I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as a younga christian man at Your hotella.

When I coma in my room I se there is not shit in my bed - how can I sleep with no shit in my bed? So I calla down to receptionen and tella:

- I wanna shit!
They tella me:
- Go to toilet.
I Say:
- Ho. No. I wanta shit in my bed.
They say:
- You better not shit in your bed, you sonnawabitch!

What is a sonnawabitch?

I go down for breakfast into ristorante. I order bacon and eggs und two pissis of toast. I getta only one piss of toast. I tella waitress, and pointa of toast:
- I wanna piss!
She tella med:
- Go to toilet.
I say:
- Ho, no. I wanna piss on my plate!
She then say to me:
- You bloody hella not piss om the plate, you sonnawabitch!
Second person calls me sonnawabitch!

What is a sonnawabitch?

Later I go for dinner in your ristorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock. I tella waitress:
- I wanna fock!
and she tella med:
- Sure, everyone wanna fock! 
I tella her:
- Ho, no. You don´t understand me. I wanna fock on the table!
She tella med:
- So you sonnawabitch wanna fock on the table? Get your ass out of here!

So I go to reception and ask for billa. I no wanna stay in this hotella no more. When I have paid the billa, the portier say to me:
- Thank you, and piss on you.
I say:
- Piss on you too, you sonnawabitch! I go back to Italy! I never sore coma stay your hotella no more, you sonnawabitch!

Seicerely

Signore Berluschoni